#BONES Fiction: TWATH: AB2P 219 ‘I’m Not Dead’

What If ... BoothBW

Excerpt from the next chapter: “Love Don’t Die Easy”

“What does killing make me? It doesn’t make me a good man,” he said, staring hard at Brennan. “Sometimes the weight of what a person’s done, it’s just too heavy, and all you want is for it to stop. You just want out, Bones, and in that moment, nothing else matters. Nothing, and no one. You just want it to end and the consequences … they don’t even matter.”

Brennan nodded in the dark. She did know. When she thought she’d lost him, when she had to face that he had chosen to share his life with someone else even after he knew she wanted to be with him … when she could no longer fill her mind with work, or music, or research. When she was forced to drop onto the couch at her office in the middle of the night or into her bed at home early in the morning only because her body refused to function without rest. That was when she wanted out. It was irrational. And she hated it. But she didn’t have the energy to be angry, which is what the fight inside her wanted her to be … angry.

The sadness simply slipped from her eyes in flat tears that landed in her ears and the hairline at her temple as she lay motionless, exhausted, yet still unable to rest. Of all she’d been through in her life, that was one of the very few times she had honestly been afraid for herself. Afraid and exhausted … which is a good combination when you’re considering ending it all. The relentless exhaustion saved her from herself. It saved her and renewed her energy afterwards, plucking her from the claws of greedy self-centeredness.

“Yes, Booth,” she said across the dark. “I do know what it is like to just want it to end.”

He stared across at her though all he could see were the dark hollows of her eye sockets, her cheek bones, the dip in her neck. He knew she did know, and tried not to think of why she knew it. His eyes dropped to his hands before she broke the heavy silence.

“And what you are experiencing right now, Booth … the inability to get warm or to stop shivering,” she said, her voice like silk unfurling in slow motion to soften the space between them, “is called sympathetic autonomic dysregulation.”

After a moment, she continued, “It results when the physiological response cycle following a significant stressful event is unable to complete, unable to finish its cycle, even after the initial stressor is removed. In other words, the body fails to return to its pre-threat state.”

Booth squinted at the reflection of a mottled Seattle sky splayed across the surface of the coffee table and shivered once more. He shook his head as if shrugging away a mosquito, showing no sign that he’d heard her.

“Take all the time you need. I’m right here,” she said, leaning back against the couch cushions as if to prove it. “For as long as it takes.” She whispered.

<<< Take me back to the previous chapter, “Panic Room.”
Take me to the very beginning of the The When and the How: A Bone to Pick >>>

Author’s Notes: Folks, I last posted on March 2nd. Shortly thereafter some major changes occurred here at Casa de Cabanela which have kept me from updating. Primarily, after writing 61 articles and reviews for ScreenSpy, I left to write three times as much on a monthly basis for BuddyTV which has a following that’s tens of thousands times greater than ScreenSpy’s ( and BuddyTV actually pays for my work!). As you can imagine, this has hijacked my creative time and energy.
That being said, Bones remains my number one favorite thing to write about. While covering several other primetime programs for BuddyTV, I’ve been able to produce a number ofBones articles and editorials, including “Bones: Why This Show Is So Damn Good!” If you are interested in reading any of those, DM me and I will let you know where you can find them.
What is the future of The When and the How: A Bone to Pick? It goes on and will continue to go on until the last piece of the puzzle is slipped into place, Operation Pringles is completed with celebratory pie (and then some …), and the case is solved. I have spent the last month rereading the last 120 chapters to get my mind in the right place for producing the next chapter, which I had all but finished, but am no longer satisfied with. If you are reading this, it means you do have some lingering interest in what happens in my Bones universe, and for that I thank you. Below is an excerpt from the chapter I am working on … or, will continue working on, once I finish reading “Sir Seeley” and “Panic Room.” I hope you enjoy it!
Aka: Catherine Cabanela

About Catherine Cabanela

BuddyTV Writer with an MBA in marketing and an undergraduate in writing and foreign language, I spend my time writing, tweeting, aggressively pursuing new social media strategies, writing, co-parenting twins with my husband, and reading everything I can get my hands on. All at the same time. Oh, and writing. Former ScreenSpy Critic for Bones, Revenge, Covert Affairs, and Motive. Fiction: "The When and the How: A Bone To Pick" http://bit.ly/BONESFic
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2 Responses to #BONES Fiction: TWATH: AB2P 219 ‘I’m Not Dead’

  1. Diane Stuckey says:

    Thank you for the update,Catherine. The analysis of the psyches of the characters is intuitive and well done. Looking forward to the next chapter.
    Enjoy the summer with your family,
    A Bayside Bonehead

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much, Diane! Glad you’ve enjoyed The When and the How: A Bone to Pick. Have you read it from the beginning? There’s a great deal more than just what you see here on shesgotmoxiedotnet. You have a wonderful summer as well!

      Keep Lovin’ Bones,



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